Tuesday, December 13, 2011

like a ton of bricks ...

So here I was thinking I was all tough and dealing with everything so well, apparently not so much!

The X told me today that he wanted us to be "friends" and I realised that he never loved me the way I loved him.  He loved me for everything I did for him, for supporting him and ensuring he was never alone.  I think there is a much deeper type of love.

Then it really hit me, the enormity of the situation. It's not just a man and a woman ending a relationship. It's a son losing his family unit. It means no full-blood brothers or sisters for Thomas. It's all the dreams we had of homes and holidays and holiday homes... gone.

Now I have to re-invent myself. I have to figure out what my dreams are ... I don't really remember who I used to be. Is that pathetic? I lost all of myself in him. I used to go to concerts but he didn't like music (how weird is that - I should have known), I used to see movies but he'd fall asleep, same for theatre ... I also used to have quite a bit of self-confidence - that went too!

Now I have to get it all back, all of me back. I don't know where to start ... maybe at the gym!

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you will have more luck getting that all back without him. However friends might be a good idea for the sake of your beautiful son. He will always be his father and for the sake of happy memories for him you will need to maintain a healthy, mature relationship with his father. Trust me, the kids work out in the end who has been the strong one and who has been dignified. The energy you waste on being angry and bitter should be spent on reinventing yourself. You owe it to yourself and to your son to be happy and fulfilled. You are working on it now. x