Sunday, February 5, 2012
Wishing & Dreaming
So I haven't posted for a while, I keep thinking about it but I'm not sure what to write.
I think I'm a bit afraid of facing my feelings.
The X and I have gotten to a place of "friendship" I suppose you would say. We both know that the best thing for T is for us to be in a partnership of sorts. We have decided to do family outings once a month, he is happier when we are all together.
The X's addiction (gambling) has taken a hold of him again. I don't think I've spoken about this before on here but the last four years of our relationship was riddled with his gambling and subsequent lying about gambling. I believe this was the main issue that broke down our relationship. I would always catch him out on his lies and I grew to distrust everything he said.
I don't want T to grow up with an addict for a father. He deserves so much better than that.
The more I think about all the things that have happened in the past few years the happier I am that I have a brighter future ahead for me and T. But that doesn't seem to stop the longing.
That's what I need. I need the wishing/hoping/dreaming/longing to stop. I need my drive back. I need my enthusiasm for life and positivity back. I want to be a great role model for T and I know I cant be that right now.