Sunday, December 4, 2011

I don't know how we got here

Divorce. The word sounds so alien. It seems like a story I would read in NW … ‘Britney Spears is set to divorce husband after less than 10 months of marriage’. Except it’s not a tabloid, it’s my life.  I don’t know how we got here …
How do you so easily walk away from the person you promised forever too? How do you walk away from a supportive wife and adoring child without putting up any semblance of a fight? How could you have changed so much in 10 months? Where is the man who stood holding my hands, saying his vows and shedding a tear on that perfect summer’s day?
2011 has been the best of times and the worst of times. I only got married in February, travelled to Europe in March, turned 30 in April, celebrated my first child’s first birthday in April … and now this? It just doesn’t make sense to me. 
I understand that in no means were we perfect for one another … we probably couldn’t have been more different. But the majority of the time it did work.  He was my best friend. He was the one person I completely bared my soul to.  I shared everything with him … I actually don’t know how to go a day without talking to him. I don’t know how I am going to do this.  I don’t know how to imagine my world without him in it as my partner … never sharing a hug, a kiss … it actually breaks my heart.
I know nobody really liked him very much and I know he has more faults than I have time to mention but I really did love him despite all of it. And I supported the shit out of him, in times I shouldn’t, in times where I should have had more self-respect.
My issue is heart-vs-head. My heart loves him but my head tells me that love isn’t enough to make us both happy. And I want him to be happy and I want to be happy and more than anything I want our son to be happy.
So this is going to be my journal of this life changing journey I am hesitantly about to embark on.  I am a blog lover and I see all the support out there for bloggers and am hoping for a little piece of that action myself.

No comments:

Post a Comment