Monday, October 22, 2012

Pleasure & Pain

Disclaimer - this title is more than a little influenced by me re-reading 50 Shades of Grey ... but it is valid nonetheless.

I have the pleasure and the honour and the priveledge of watching my little boy grow every day ... he turned 2.5 last week and I just thoroughly adore him. I love him being by my side, on my lap, on my hip ... I even love him when he takes up my side of the bed. I just LOVE him.

I really want him to grow up knowing just how much he is loved.  He truly is the most amazing little human with a kind and gentle spirit and a very cheeky attitude.  He makes me laugh every day with his stories and his dancing and his crazy penis obsession.

I never thought his dad would let me and him down as much as he has.  He has decided, in his infinite wisdom, to stop paying child support and his half of the mortgage.  Just because he can.  I am so disgusted with his behaviour that, at times, I can't even think straight.  I've never really felt this depth of anger before, it's not at all nice but I am hoping it will fuel me through the legal battle that is about to commence.

It is so unfair that the X can just decide that he didn't love me and walk away from the home and the family we built and gets to "start again".  While I am left to pick up the pieces, work, raise a child.  A child we decided to have together, a child we said we would raise together, a child he promised he would do anything for.

It's sucky being a single mum. It really is. I really hope one day I can someone who will love me, respect me, listen to my stories and make me laugh.

I know things could be a lot worse, I know people are living through a lot worse ... and I do count my lucky stars that almost every morning this little guy wakes up and is so very happy to see me, tells me I am beautiful and that he wants to share his chocolate cake with me.

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