Saturday, March 31, 2012

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

When I was 15 I asked my mother if I was beautiful.

She told me that she wasn't going to lie. Her answer was no, I was not beautiful. I was pretty but not beautiful. I think my relationship with my mum is probably the root of all my insecurity problems. My mum was the kind of mum that uses fat as an insul all the time. When I was 18 I was 45 kg and thought I was fat. I have always thought I was fat ... and now, unfortunately I actually am a lot heavier than I should be.

It was always an issue between the X and I about my low, low self esteem. If somebody tells me I am beautiful I genuinely think they are lying.

I caught up with my mum today and we got onto the subject of beauty. She asked me if I thought I looked good with my big double chin. She then informed me this was her being a mother. Is it? Is tearing your children down the way to build them up? I then dares to ask her that question again. Wondering if another 15 years of parenting experience would help her to get it right. She told me the same thing, that she doesn't think I'm beautiful and won't lie about it.

What mother looks at her child and doesn't see beauty and perfection? I just don't understand. When I look at T I see nothing but beauty and a miracle. I will not repeat these patterns.


  1. Whoa; that's not fair.

    How is your Mum's self esteem? Is it so low that she needs to belittle her precious daughter for her own self gratification?

    Although I have never meet you Kair, to me you are a beautiful person. You have a beautiful soul, and you soul is who you are. xo

  2. Sorry, I just reread my comment and thought it sounded a little bit like I was Mum-bashing.

    I hope you don't think I was. I was just a little shocked by your post. xo

  3. Yeah mum has issues with her own self-esteem and image. She had bulimia for a number of years and you would THINK that this would have changed her attitude on parenting and self esteem issues but apparently not.

    After crying to my BFF and hastily writing this post (hence the spelling errors SORRY) I came to the conclusion that this is definitely her issue and I have to choose not to let it affect me. I have to find a way to feel beautiful because until I do I'm never going to believe it!

    Thanks for your response Kate, I so needed it x

  4. You are beautiful inside and out. And you know I wouldn't just say that. I know it sounds cliched but I don't know how else to say it really!

    Kilos don't define a person, nor does a loss of kilos = a gain of beauty, or vice versa. It is your Mum's issue, not yours that she can't see beauty when it's right in front of her.